The Best Advice Ever #3

(Note: I work for a website where 13-year-olds and equally audacious people like to publish their knowledge. "Dear Jacqueline" is a page devoted to their work that didn't quite make the cut. You should be able to tell where my sarcasm stops and their wisdom steps in. For the record, no spelling or punctuation has been changed.)

Dear Jacqueline,

How do I conceal my farts in public?! Help!

Well, whoever you are, you're in luck! I know TONS about concealing farts. Years of experience. In fact, that's why I'm going to tackle this tough topic myself. Let me carefully consider your situation for just a second.


Okay, I think I have it. I suggest you use the "blame it on a squirel" method. Here's what you need to do:

1. blame it on a squirel
2. 1
3. no one knows how they fart anyway ok gurrlll so fart awayyy

...You're welcome.