The Best Advice Ever #1

Dear Jacqueline,

How do I prevent mice from entering my home? Help!

Sincerely,
Anonymous Thoughtermelon

Dear Anonymous Thoughtermelon,

Fear not! Here is the answer: Use the ODB method!

1. Call Ol' Dirty Bastard
2. Say the following, "Straight up n down gohd, they rodents in the dojo"
3. Prepare a guest room for ODB. He will arrive on the first half moon according to the Chinese calendar.
4. Allow the Dirty his space, gohd. He's on it.
5. Yo, the mice are yesterday son. Praise be ODB!
6. Offer a weekend with your wife, daughter, daughter's friend, or any related female ODB may have interest in as payment.
7. Take Od's card. It's also got Method Man's number in case you get termites.

(Note: I work for a website where 13-year-olds and equally audacious people like to publish their knowledge. "Dear Jacqueline" is a page devoted to their work and a peek into my life as an editor. For the record, no spelling or punctuation has been changed.)